One thing that I don’t think folks think about… or at least, I never did — losing a partner, losing someone you’re totally in love with, also means losing a LOT of physical intimacy/touch. For me, it means losing almost ALL of it.
We literally filled each other’s love/touch buckets each time we saw one another. We lived for those moments, especially when we weren’t together. She made it so safe for me to touch and to be touched. So so safe.
The last thing she said to me was “I’ll see you when I do. I love you so much.”
And so I keep waiting to see her. Looking for comfort and the safety of her arms during this awful time. And each day, it doesn’t come. And I feel more and more lost. More and more lonely.
Someone said to me today that my body was literally mapped to hers. It really was. This probably explains part of the profound sense of loneliness that I’m feeling.