Backlog 16 – 1/20/17

Jan 20, 2017. 3:28am.

We kept saying we wanted each other, but that we didn’t need each other. Now, I’m not so sure. I am lost without you.

Jan 20, 2017. 3:37am.

Holy shit, my partner is gone.

Jan 20, 2017. 10:19am.

Today marks exactly one month since Diana Hemingway took her life. It feels as though it’s only been a few very long days.

I plan to watch Cloud Atlas today, since it keeps coming up. I’m not sure what to expect, but I’m a bit fearful of falling apart even more.

I miss her with my whole being, and things don’t feel like they’re getting easier yet.

Jan 20, 2017. 10:27am.

Even though Diana’s Facebook was memorialized (a big, HUGE F-U to whomever reported her deceased), it still says that we are in an open relationship. Maybe this is denial, but I feel like if I can survive this loss, I will remain in an open relationship with her – always and forever.

Jan 20, 2017. 10:30am.

There are a few people who have been able to honor my ask around being held/touched. I know this is not something everyone feels comfortable with. This has felt like my biggest need in all of this, so please know I am grateful.

Jan 20, 2017. 3:10pm.

Couldn’t sleep much again… Maybe four hours.

So I’m not sure how or why, but I got a sudden burst of energy today. I’ve literally been begging Diana for strength, in case she can somehow hear me.

I got the extra shower head that Diana bought for her place returned to Home Depot, bought cat food and treats at the pet store, washed dishes, took out the trash, fed the kitties soft food, put some things away, washed and folded two loads of laundry, picked up a package from UPS, set up and paid for a session with a medium, answered some emails, and got my application/script sent off for Androgel. I’m spent.

Now if only I could make myself eat something (ugh).

Jan 20, 2017. 8:10pm.

There were issues with the photo kiosks on board when we cruised in November, so these never live-posted to Facebook like they were supposed to. I jumped through some hoops to get the company to send me these. I miss her so much. — with Diana Hemingway.

Image may contain: 2 people, text

Image may contain: 2 people, eyeglasses and outdoor

Jan 20, 2017. 8:58pm.

One other thing I forgot to say about today, in terms of what I got done, is that I also managed to get the needed paperwork to the aforementioned bad ass attorney, so that we can (hopefully) get Diana’s death certificate amended to accurately reflect her name and gender.



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