Backlog 18 – 1/24/17

Jan 24, 2017. 3:21am.

It is both surreal and heartbreaking to bring home every gift I ever gave to Diana. Today makes five weeks, and I still feel like I’ve been hit by a truck. There are still many moments and many days when I don’t think I can really survive this.

Jan 24, 2017. 3:33am.

It doesn’t matter how hard I try to turn them off, I am still absolutely plagued by “what if’s.” I am exhausted.

Jan 24, 2017. 3:38am.

My mind misses your thoughts. My heart misses your love. My body misses your touch. My ears miss your voice.

Please help me understand and accept your absence. I feel lost without you, my sweetest love.

Jan 24, 2017. 9:49am.

I just want to turn off the noise of the entire world. It’s all too much.

Jan 24, 2017. 10:28am.

I don’t know how to forgive the many entities/people that inflicted harm upon my love over the years.

The many entities that denied her employment, despite her being qualified, able, willing, desiring of meaningful work.

The more of her old posts I read, the more I am validated in knowing that they killed her spirit, so she killed her body.

Our systems are so broken. Which is exactly how I feel.

Jan 24, 2017. 5:22pm.

There is so much we planned to do together. How could she just walk away from our love and our life like this? How?

 

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