Backlog 21 – 2/1/17

Feb 01, 2017 4:03am

“Every look back at the past is viewed from a new place, therefore one’s life history is continually reinterpreted through a newly born perspective every day. The road behind gets longer, and the road ahead shorter, and life and love seem so so immeasurably precious.” -Diana Hemingway, 11/5/16

Feb 01, 2017 4:19am

I need to try to sleep. I need to end this tough ass day on a positive note. Here it is.  Diana wrote this on May 8th, 2016:

“Gratitude in relationships.

I’m grateful for all the wonderful people in my life.

I am especially grateful for Landon, who I am in love with, and with whom I share a very special bond.

I am grateful for the many lovers who hold special places in my heart – near and far, in plain view and in private, regular and infrequent, casual and committed, friends who play and paramours. I am grateful that after all the suffering I’ve experienced, that I can still feel love…and infatuation. And desire.

I am grateful for my chosen families for the connections we share in community. For the way that time and distance don’t change the caring and affection we have for each other. For those who choose to keep me in their lives even when I’m beyond difficult, or simply misunderstood.

I am grateful for my first family – at least for those who still choose to be a part of my life. And for the extended family of the people I love, whether steps or in-laws or however they might be described.

I am grateful for my friends. So many many friends. And many acquaintances. For how we enrich each other’s lives. If we are connected here on Facebook, there is a good chance that we share strong personal experiences or vibrant community.

I am grateful to all those whom I’ve worked with at various jobs, in many different fields. And every artist, and every artist’s muse.

And a special shout of gratitude for all the sex workers and former sex workers in my life. We know how precious and important every one of these connections is. Especially since our emotional & physical labor takes everything we’ve got sometimes, and we leave it all on the bed, pole, camera, cross, and/or sidewalk. And then come back to whatever part of ALL OF THE ABOVE that remains in our life.

I am grateful that my “all of the above” is pretty damn full of wonderful people.”

Feb 01, 2017 11:31pm

I found an aborted suicide note written by my love from 2011. I took solace in the fact that the one written to me in 2016 was filled with love, whereas the one from 2011 was filled with darkness.

I remember her telling me how I had softened her, reconnected her to the world, helped her believe in love again.

I miss her so much.

 

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