Feb 12, 2017. 10:59am.
Life feels so empty this morning. Waking up on a Sunday morning without my love beside me is still too much.
I keep thinking that there has to be a way to reverse all this somehow, to rewind time, talk to her about all the options, let her know how much she is valued and loved.
I know my brain will get it in time, but today isn’t that day. I just want to feel okay again.
Feb 12, 2017. 11:21am.
Thankful to the many people that helped me to get Diana’s apartment emptied, and helped me to get items I wanted to keep to my place (and a few things to storage). I’m beyond grateful.
Next step: somehow organizing my now-upside-down apartment.
Next next step: somehow trying to adjust to this very unfamiliar, confusing, depressing, overwhelming, and lonely new life.
Next next next step: “grief projects” (there are so many things I want/need to do to honor our love and our life together)
I miss her so much.
Feb 12, 2017. 10:16pm.
My response to trauma has always been to vomit. Don’t know why. The night I found out about Diana, that was my first reaction. I’ve been nauseated a ton since then.
Couldn’t stop throwing up and sweating tonight. How in the hell is this seemingly getting worse instead of better? I don’t even know what brought this on, but it’s like I keep experiencing trauma reactions over and over again in different ways.